


Hard Things to Say

by witchlinghideaway



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Anxious Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Heartfelt Talk, Other, Pain, Post-Betrayal, Protective Crowley, They/Them, after trial, crowley doesn't want to talk about the trial
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-15
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2020-06-29 13:31:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19831237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/witchlinghideaway/pseuds/witchlinghideaway
Summary: Some things need to be said.And no matter how strong Crowley seems to be, words always cut them deep.





	1. Chapter 1

It had been two weeks since Heaven and Hell tried to punish the angel and the demon that stopped Armageddon. It was not accurate to say both had “trials”, since Heaven showed how much crueler they acted this time around. And Crowley was eternally grateful for Agnes Nutter’s prophecy. It saved their lives. What Crowley had witnessed back up there was enough to feel anxious about Aziraphale all the time. But how could they at all spare the angel’s feelings, when it hurt them so deeply knowing how it could’ve ended? They usually were not the type to hide hurtful things from him, but it was just so horrible to say. Aziraphale was feeling so light after all this mess, these last days were the calmest in their relationship since the early 2000s. And Crowley would not ruin that for the world. Only merely exaggerating, they were basically eating every night at the Ritz. Aziraphale was always the one choosing to go there in the recent days, and even though they were regulars for nearly twenty years, he was a little worried the staff would get tired of seeing them so often. And Crowley strongly encouraged him in choosing what he enjoyed, no matter the frequency nor expense.

That night, they were having red wine at their usual table. The pianist played Händel’s Water Music first suite “Air”, one of Aziraphale’s favorite pieces. All was mellow at that moment. The plates came fast and the dish smelled delicious. Crowley smiled fondly at their love’s excitement, which nourished them better that they thought the food ever could. The angel ate his poached salmon slowly, taking the time to taste every bit and make the enjoyment last longer. His smooth manicured hands clenched his cutlery in a way that looked gracious, and he was radiating the most bright and soothing aura. Crowley knew it only so well, but barely could see it during the apocalypse. It was the kind of energy so beautiful that it could blind a mere human if they stared at it too much. Now that the demon saw it again, they would not want to look at anyone besides him. The energy filled them up so extensively they could not imagine feeding off anything but his beauty. Crowley was so lost in their cloud of tenderness they did not even touch their dish. The angel looked to them, smiling:

‘You know’ he said. ‘Anathema came to my bookshop today; her and Newt were in town. She was looking for witchcraft books. I told her about Phyllis Curott and Sybil Leek, who I think are phenomenal women. Their books were really interesting and insightful. And she was so excited to read them! We both sat and went through all these books together- You know! If felt very nice to have a mate, it happens so rarely that we find someone like that’

Crowley hung on Aziraphale’s every word. Their silence was not unsettling for the angel, since he was usually very talkative. The demon also found peace in listening to his harmonious voice and loved how he was so passionate. It somehow kept him from thinking about his non-trial, Gabriel, the fire that would have destroyed him. Or at least for a bit. Their face changed to appear slightly worried, which called the attention of their lover.

‘Are you alright?’

The demon snapped out of their daydream. Aziraphale had put his hand on Crowley’s. But they could not really say what was on their mind. It would ruin the night and would absolutely break Aziraphale. Their fast beating heart knew to keep their feelings for themselves this time. 

‘Yes. I am’ they smiled, trying to hide the worry.

As they spoke those few words, flashes of that day came to their mind. The scarily white building, the ropes on their wrists, the large hellfire, the cruelty of the angels… Imagining Aziraphale experiencing all this was something that made them want to cry and scream. They took the angel’s hand in theirs, caressing his soft skin. Their hand started shaking, although they tried their best to stay calm and hush these thoughts. The only way was to squeeze the angel’s hand hard enough not to crush his bones but not too much to hide the shaking. Fortunately, the gesture seemed sweet and did not bother nor worry Aziraphale at all.

Crowley spoke very few words from that moment on. Silence was still better than the horrible truth, at least for a while. Dinner went on with the second main course and then the dessert, a molten chocolate and raspberry cake with a side of vanilla ice cream. The angel was ecstatic, merely seeing the waiter arriving with the plate. The demon was in awe as to how their lover genuinely enjoyed things. They loved his pureness and love. And they only watched him eat with great pleasure. The rest of the night passed by rather fast, but calmly. Piano notes filled the room. And laughter from other tables echoed through Crowley’s head, helping them ease their mind. And never mind how much they loved Aziraphale, it had no point ruining his mood just yet. What only mattered was seeing his smile and his blinding glow.

‘Dear boy, would you be so kind to give me a peck?’

Crowley smiled. Why must he be so adorable? Even after 6000 years, it still amazed them how precious he could be.

‘You’re too cocky, angel’ 

The demon turned their lover’s face to them, with a hand caressing his cheek. Their lips touched his and kissed him happily. Both smiled right after. Crowley’s heart softened as he let go of him. The blonde-haired angel cut a bit of his cake and brought it close to his dear’s mouth. They opened and tasted the chocolate bite. And their heart only softened more, slowly melting. Which definitely helped them confirm their silence. They had to let him breathe. They had to let him feel happy.


	2. Chapter 2

One night around two o’clock, Aziraphale was still reading a book in bed with a little lamp lit. Crowley was asleep at his side. Reading the words in deep focus, the angel did not look at them at all, feeling at ease under the covers. He had his left hand out for the demon to hold while sleeping. It was a simple thing he did for them, so they felt comfortable and safe. It was no strange thing that Crowley would hiss from time to time as they were dreaming. So, when they started hissing that night, Aziraphale did not worry at all. It started small and slowly became louder and louder a few minutes later. And it could have been nothing at all, if only they were not getting agitated. The demon tossed and turned a few times, letting go of their angel’s hand. They could not stop moving that it started to worry Aziraphale.

‘Aziraphale’ they called out in their sleep. ‘Aziraphale!’

The angel put down the book without even bothering to mark the page he was on. He was not sure what to do.

‘Aziraphale’ they called out once more, hissing.

They had been tossing and turning in an intense manner for a few minutes now. The principality Aziraphale was not always equipped for stopping bad dreams. Well, Crowley’s bad dreams. It was actually in his powers to calm the thoughts and nightmares of nearly every being, but seemed to be puzzled this time by what was going on. But then, the demon breathed so heavily he thought he was going to choke. He had to do something.

‘Crowley! Crowley! Wake up!’

The angel shook him up and cried out their name for their eyes to open. He only noticed sweat starting to slide off their forehead as he did. Their hissing kept on getting louder. Worried to death, Aziraphale kept trying to shake them awake. They finally woke up bathed in sweat, breathing heavily and utterly panic-stricken. The angel looked at them, feeling so concerned he could not even say a word. But by God, his dear was troubled by something. And he would not forgive himself if he did not try to help. Once a bit relieved by the fact that they were awake, he asked:

‘Crowley, what’s wrong? What kind of nightmare was it?’

The demon did not speak. Their body was still sweaty and shaking. They just breathed slowly, but loudly. The only thing they wanted was to hug Aziraphale. They had dreamt of the trial day. And this time, it was not him disguised as Aziraphale but the angel himself who was forced to be burnt alive in front of Gabriel. How horrid it was! Crowley then rushed to hug their angel tight, who was surprised by it, but just let them do. 

‘I am going to make you tea, dear boy’ the angel said.

Crowley let go of Aziraphale and went to the kitchen. And as they turned on the stove, they could not help but stare at the flame, inviting flashbacks to haunt them once more. And they would have kept staring if only their angel did not come to snap them out of it.

‘Crowley. You need to sit down. I will make the tea’

‘No’ they responded blankly. 

Aziraphale did not understand why they were being strange. It must have been the dream, but he had no idea what it was, since they would not tell.   
‘Come on Crowley. You are not in shape to make tea. Let me take i-‘ he said as he grabbed the pot.  
‘No! You shouldn’t get close to the fire!’ they almost shouted. 

Aziraphale stepped back, shocked. Why was he being so annoying?

‘What’s wrong with you? You’ve never been like this. You’re treating me like a child, what are you playing at?’

‘I-I just don’t want you to get close to the fire’

‘But why?’ the angel shouted, not holding back his annoyance. 

‘I just can’t bear it knowing what they would have done to you up there! I just hate them and I don’t ever want you to get hurt’ they spit out, but then started explaining everything. ‘They brought hellfire up there and were going to make you burn alive. And they did not even give a trial. They just sentenced you- I mean me, to death, Aziraphale! They are so vicious they make me sick and I don’t ever want to see you in danger ever again…’

The angel was shocked at that statement. He would have never believed Heaven would act so horribly towards him. Not that they never did, to the contrary, but he had always believed they would at least give him a trial. He had his hand on his mouth, trying to keep himself from screaming. The tears started running down his cheeks, while Crowley was already crying. It hurt Aziraphale so much to think of that happening to him. The demon came close to him and hugged him. No words were spoken. And the only thing Crowley heard was the quiet crying that their angel did. They just caressed his hair softly, trying to soothe him a little. They both went back to bed, not saying a word. They laid in bed, together in a warm embrace. The tears dried on Aziraphale’s face, but there still was a bitterness and a sadness in him. The demon knew best to hold him and kiss his forehead, showing his silent support. Both had a hard time falling asleep, but they at least were together through it all.


End file.
